Letters on Motherhood

As the time come around again, I’ve started noticing emails form companies asking if I want to t”opt-out of mothers day communications” and I know this is for the who have lost their mothers, but also I would like to out it out there for the of us who never became natural birth mothers.

To my younger me, in my 20’s,
You dream of “roses round the
cottage door, a husband,
2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats”

This is a dream, it is a life that will
not be but it will all turn out okay. 

Life will not ever be as simple as you dreamt it.
There will be heartache and pain but
before that will come love and fulfilment,
then after the heartache and pain,
love and fulfilment will come again. 

You see you are not destined to be a
nature birth mother, you will try,
you will long for the child you carry
but it won’t last and on your last try
you will see such immeasurable pain
that you think it will never end.

Then comes acceptance.  

It is during this time of acceptance
that you truly find the love you desire.
For you know the other options will
bring possible heartache and strain
to the biggest of all, your man
whom you love and have loved
since the day you met,
this love is the love that knows no bounds,
that has been through so much,
it’s not perfect, but whose true love is.
You argue, you spat, but that’s what
makes you human, normal,
makes you YOU.

Above all of this love, it has bought you the uniqueness of being a step-mother.

A love that will truly test you.

You will play mother, friend, confident, peacemaker, mediator, adviser.

It will test the love between a
woman and a man,
between yes and no,
never right or wrong but
between family and friend. 

You will learn to love and be loved,
You will learn to sit aside as others celebrate,
You will learn tolerance as fires start,
You will learn patience as others fight,
You will learn democracy, friendship, sharing,

Delivering, supporting, nurturing, mediating,
Negotiating and endless loving

You will learn that, above all,
love is to give love and to receive love.

Being a step-mum is the most
rewarding and testing role
but you will LOVE every minute.

Letters on Motherhood, by Vicky O’Farrell aged 50

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